Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Teaching Self-Love

Oh man, there are some days when I look at the world and look at my son and think to myself, "Damn." I'm less then ready for the onslaught of bull this world has to offer my kid. So many people speak a language of sarcasm and assholelery that even I have a hard time keeping up. You can't always tell if someone is being genuine with you. I never ask. I figure if that's the face they're going to show me, that's how they want me to perceive them. No, it's not always shits and giggles. Most times it's down right unpleasant, but I find it fascinating that of all the ways they could behave they choose to act the way they are acting.

I myself am super sensitive and find it terrifying that my son is more sensitive than me. I don't want him to hurt exponentially; to take things and internalize them. It's difficult teaching this to someone who sometimes has difficulty processing the complexities of communication.

I always say what I mean with him. Sometimes I play around, but if it's about him I am always direct and never joke about him. I think that it may just be the worst form of bullying, to make fun of others. If there was ever away to shove someone in the corner and kick them repeatedly it's in the form of making fun of someone, and worse, when others are present.

How do you prepare a child for that kind of world? I don't know. I think self-love is involved. Something I tell my son every night is that I love everything about him and to repeat this... "I am amazing." My heartbreaks every time I hear him say it. I wish these were things that weren't torn away from us as children. The world works on this military style training of our self esteem; breaking us down and building us up, over and over again. I just can't do it. I tell him "no" and lay down the law, but I do not and will not put him on a lower level than me because he is a child. I don't do that with anybody, why would I start with my kid.

I wonder if I'm just to much of an advocate for kindness. I know I'm less than perfect in the sarcasm department. I've verbally shoved my elbows into people. Maybe that's why I'm taking this sudden stance; a change of consciousness. Making my existence brighten others. I want that for my children. To live brightly, freely, willfully. No blind following, just leading themselves in a direction that they choose completely. I hope to example an unconditional love so free that they use this with themselves when they fall or when someone trips them. This is the most powerful tool I can give them. This and the power of being direct.

 I hope my son is the kid who when he likes someone actually tells them instead of punishing his crush with unwelcomed teasing or hair pulling.
This is something I fumble with daily. Every time someone glares at me, makes fun of me, is questionable with their genuineness, I think of my son and different ways I can teach him self-love. I think it starts with self-love? It might just be only that. It may not completely take the pain away but it will lessen it substantially. 

As always Much love and Tons of Gratitude,