What is Acceptance?

I've come up with a huge reflection piece for this topic..so bare with me folks.

I accept my son for who he is. Who he is, is something I will learn over my lifetime. I don't profess to know anything other than my son doesn't tick the same way everyone else does. Isn't that the way it is anyway? We don't all tick the same.

I'm not going to defend myself ever about my son's diagnosis, or defend my belief in what his amazing professional support staff have concluded with me. I'm not interested in speaking about what Autism is or is not. Honestly I don't know. I'm not sure the professionals know because it differs from child to child. If people don't believe he is Autistic that's their business. This blog is not to prove that my life is difficult. I think (because I am responsible for my perspective) that my life is easy. I see my sons "differences" as a gift. Is it daring to think that what might be his difficulties are gifts? No. If I am to raise a child that accepts himself for all of who he is, I have to show him how acceptance works.  That's my responsibility as his Mother. To love him unconditionally and accept him unconditionally.

I use the term ASD throughout my posts because I do accept that my son is super, super, super, high functioning. I will not say I know anything about moderate to severe Autism. This is something I'm not even remotely experienced in. I would have no business to represent those who are taking care of someone with moderate to severe Autism. My goal here is not to represent. It is to reach out and connect with others.

I do not believe my son is his super high functioning ASD condition. I believe parts of the ASD adjust some things but other than that my son is an adventurer, number enthusiast, Halloween Advocate (believes it should happen everyday), nature loving, food critic.

To me the ASD label is just that. If you give it power, it has the ability to marginalize and separate. I think of it as something the professionals use to describe a certain set of factors that fall within a category. Then I forget about it. As Captain Barbossa would say "They're more like guidelines." I work with my son on a daily basis based on his strengths and the things we are strengthening, and our story continues.

I think the purpose of this blog is to share our  journey through diagnosis and my son's major achievements, to share with other Moms my journey as a Mom, to share with Dads my journey as a parent, to share with everyone my journey of acceptance.

Above all else, this blog is about acceptance. Accepting the variables in life. Accepting change, Accepting that while the systematic way of doing things is great for some it doesn't always work for others. Just accepting that life will always have ups and downs, but that it is up to us to choose the perspective. If I say I like it and you say you don't that's ok. If there is no harm there is certainly no foul.

Well, now that I've taken your time I want to thank you for reading. Have a good night or day depending on where you are. Happy Holidays!

A.J.

Busy Mom

Oh my goodness I took a break for awhile as some of you may know. It's been a little insane.

Below is a little list that will give you an idea of the last several months...

School. My son starting school (which will be on my next post). Memorial for 200 some odd people. The flu. Traveling with two kids and husband in car for five days (back and forth). Death of Aunt. Art deadlines. Moving family. Homework. Papers. Started a novel. Husband started school.

I'm sure this list could continue. I think the important part of this crazy busy schedule is that my son is thriving and surviving the chaos that is life. For that I am more than grateful. Anyway, this was meant to be a short update as the bigger more important post will be tomorrow.

Tomorrow's post in on acceptance.

With Love and Gratitude,
A.W.

Presenting food to the Autistic Kid.....PART 2

It has been a couple days since since my last blog. Things get crazy when you've got a million and one art projects going, plus family is in town, and you are planning for school, and a vacation before school starts. Such is life.

Anyway, the last time I blogged, I blogged about feeding the picky child. Today I'm going to be blogging about the way food looks to my son and what makes him eat it and what makes him say, "No, No want this."

Trying to coax our son to eat on most days is like trying to get the new cat the showed up in your backyard to come to you as you hold your hand full of food out toward them. Does it always work...no. And sometimes all you really do is get them to turn and run. It's isn't easy and there are days when I sit back and wonder how good a parent am I, when my already slim son doesn't want to eat? How can I make it more presentable to eat? What about the food it turning him off? 

Let me start by saying when we first saw the picky eater in our son it was at 2 years old. He would eat anything you put in front of him up until that point. Then when his communication and preferences became apparent it was hit or miss on trying to get him to eat what we made. I'll be honest it is still hit or miss sometimes. And it can be the most frustrating part of the day, especially if they are purposely making a mess with their food to get the point across that they're not going to eat it. 

We've spent many a day recalling how much our boy has eaten just to make sure he has eaten enough. And through all the food boot camp our son has put us through we picked up a couple of DON'Ts along the way. Here is the guideline for food prep in our house that works more often than not. Though, we still are trying to perfect it. We realize that until our boy can specify these things our DON'T list is what we go by. 

The DON"TS....

1. Don't cook the vegetables.

Unless the vegetables need some cooking due to taste and texture, we don't cook them. All vegetable are made into sticks and set out on the table for him to eat. And yes we call them his sticks so that he will be interested in eating them. 

2. Don't mix the food together.

If your going to cook vegetables with rice, cut the vegetables into sticks sticks and present the rice separately. Another example would be spaghetti with vegetables. Again sticks and spaghetti are separate. Same goes for some sauces. Leave them off unless directed otherwise.

3.  Don't present it if you can't even make out what it is.

If it isn't recognizable he won't eat it. Even if he tries it 9 times out of 10 he'll humor us with a couple of bites and he's done.  New fad foods and the way they are made are a huge no-no in this house. 

4. Don't present the same thing for weeks on end.

This is something not every family with a kid on the spectrum, can do. In our house if we present the same thing over and over and over again, after a short while, he won't eat it. Peanut butter sandwiches were all the rage for two days,  the third day hit and it got denied. Tried a couple days latter and was still denied. Repetition in our family, with food, does not exist

5. Don't hit up the fast food chains or hugely processed foods as snacks or meals.

Fast food chains and processed snacks are addictive. They can easily hook a kid on the spectrum. The foods are usually packed with sugar, salt, smell good, and are recognizable. Everything are son loves. Especially when they pre-organize it in the box for him. UGH. Can be hell to break this habit but worth it for the sake of less tantrums, over all health, and getting your kid to eat what you make them later. 

Anyway, I hope this helps. It has helped us. Are these rules set in stone? No. That's why they're called guidelines. Sometimes our little guy surprises us by eating foods that we never think to give him, they then get added to the list of things he will eat. Those moments are great. Just remember to watch your kid's cues. You are the expert on your kid. 

As always thanks for reading.

With Love and tons of Gratitude,

Amber Jones

P.S. Stay tuned for tomorrows post that will complete this blog trilogy on food and autistic kids. 

4 Methods for feeding the Autistic Kid.....PART 1

                                       

UGH!!!!!!! This has to be a battle that every parent, regardless of a kids learning styles, goes through. Getting your kid to eat. With a kid on the spectrum we know first hand that autistic kids can be picky about the way food is cooked, presented and even eaten. A lot of parents try to give advice saying to just let them go hungry and that they'll eat when they're really hungry. Well, that's kinda true, but we have one of those kids that doesn't like being bothered to eat in the first place, so denying him food seems a bit ridiculous. Then there are the parents that tell  us to tell him that if he doesn't eat he loses privileges, well even if I agreed with that logic he'd still fight me. So, we figured out a way to look like were not feeding him while feeding him. It's been tough, but we persevered. And at times when people think we've lost the fight what they don't realize is that we've won in secret way.

We have 4 things we try when our kid decides that food is just not on his list of things that day.

1. The Bird Method

In the morning, I'm never sure if the boy is going to eat or not. It's frustrating. Someday's he likes milk in his cereal. Other days milk if forbidden. Someday's he'll eat oatmeal other days oatmeal is forbidden. It just depends on how he feels that day. Well, we get pretty tired of the cat and mouse game, and absolutely abhor wasting food. So we poor cereal without milk, leave the milk in a cup on the table, leave a bowl of grapes on the table, leave some bread with his meal...on the table, and let him know the food is there on the table. Throughout the morning like clock work our son will eat what's for him on the table. In order for the food to completely disappear I remind him that it is there and to have a bite. He's happy and eats, I'm not ripping my hair out trying to get him to sit for a while meal and eat, missions accomplished.

2. Meal in a Cup Method

I'll be honest we tricked our son for this one....kinda. My husband is vegetarian and loves himself some smoothie. So when Keltanys was younger and had had his first taste of the not so healthy apple juice we convinced our little guy that Smoothies were the same thing. It was a hit. He loves smoothies. Berry smoothies in particular. He'll even take them with carrots, kale, beets, spinach, bananas, apples...pretty much anything that will taste good together he'll take in a smoothie. He gets the nutrients he needs along with vitamin D enriched soy milk, and I don't have to worry about him not getting enough nutrients. He usually gets a cup of smoothie and whatever else he wants with that like a bun, or some homemade chicken nuggets, and homemade french fries.

3. Whatever is Yours is Mine Method (Yes folks encourage the toddler law on this one.)

I don't particularly enjoy this one just because when I'm hungry and have a kid in my face wanting what I've got I get a little primal and shoo them away. But when you have kids, especially ones that won't eat, well you do what you can and suck it up. With this method I fill up one big plate or bowl depending on what your having, and yes you guessed it, share. Sometimes Keltanys will not eat something unless it comes from my plate or his Dad's plate. So for those days when he wants what we have, we grab the big dishes and share. It's not often this happens, but, when it does we don't mind. As long as he eats.

4. The What Works Method

My son, like every child, has foods that are on his, "I can eat these all day everyday day" list. I'll say this right off the bat. We don't use this method often because it sets a bad routine, but for those days when we're on the go it's easy to have the "easy foods on hand. For Keltanys this would include hotdogs, fries, chips, lunchables, popcorn, applesauce, cup of noodles, pretty much processed food. Again we only do this on days where preparing something would take longer than we have, and there aren't that many days where we're that busy.

I hope some of these things work for you. Again every kid is different and you know yours the best so keep trying if my list doesn't work for ya. Tomorrow I will be posting tips on the visual presentation of food for kids with that preference. Mine likes it to look a certain way or it goes to waste.

As always thanks for reading.

Much love and Gratitude,

Amber Jones

Can autistic children exhibit empathy?

There used to be a time in our house when we thought our son had a hard time registering emotions. It wasn't easy. You could cry and he would scream and cry with you. You could be angry and he would be the first to show his anger. For awhile we thought these were signs that he couldn't figure out the emotion. That he didn't know how to react to the overwhelming aspect of facial cues, body language, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I don't think there has ever been a time we were more wrong. He gets the emotion and the facial cues, what we thought was confusion and aggression was actually his understanding and trying to deal with the overwhelming empathy he was feeling. 

For instance, now, if we are crying or mad he will come to us a little upset and tell us, "No crying, it's ok." Or if he hears me raising my voice, He'll ask,"You ok?" as a signal that he wants me to be ok and stop being angry. Usually that will take me down at least ten notches. He's super intuitive when it comes to other peoples emotions. The obstacle he sometimes faces is remaining calm a midst other people's chaos of emotions. He always wants to make sure they are ok, to help in some way. He has a genuine love for others. He loves meeting new people. And when he takes a liking to them, he's got their back and doesn't want to see them angry or cry. 

We've had to teach him that when we cry, hugging or saying "it's ok" is appropriate. That when we're angry, asking if we're ok is appropriate. We've taught him the etiquette of dealing with his emotions and helping others when their down. And what we found is that it's not lack of knowledge and proper reaction. It's just helping him figure out how to process what's going on inside of himself first, then helping the other person feel better, by smiling, by hugging, by singing a song. 

I think we expect a lot out of children. Especially if they have to deal with being super empathetic. We ask them to learn so fast, to grow up, be ready for this world, act normally. Why not let them slow down and really examine their worlds as they develop, so that they don't miss key ingredients of understanding that may help them change the world around them, and make it better than what we have handed them.

Maybe the reason we're in the mess we're in today is because we don't slow down to notice others.

Anyway..... 

Me and my husband asked ourselves, after we got the assessment back, what would happen if our boy ends up being solely dependent on us? (which, now, I don't think will happen) And without question I thought, it's no biggie. However, long he takes in learning the world around him is not going to bother me. He's my son. I'm here to love him, guide his growth, and be a foundation of strength for when he needs it. And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

As always thanks for reading.

Much Love and Gratitude,

Amber 

Deciding not to move our Autistic Child.......

 SO, last year we had decided we were going to move. Going back to school was the goal. And as we started the process of moving we started to question more and more why we were leaving such a great community. Our goal had been to move to B.C. to study Traditional Chinese Medicine and become Dr.s of TCM. As we started to move towards the goal we started to see our children off in the distance and immediately the plans got changed. Our children are the most important things in our lives as well as one another, we wont let anything act as a wedge in between any of us. So, we got organized and asked ourselves. "What do we really want?" And here's what we came up with...

I couldn't have put it better myself. We want freedom. Freedom from debt, freedom to travel, freedom to just pick up and go when we want to. So, we got organized and changed the goal. I'm already an artist and make some during the year. Will works as an IT. Not to shabby at all. And instead of accumulating $70,000 of school debt alone. We we'll only accumulate around $4,500. Much more manageable. We intend on taking the Multimedia Communications Program here at the college to become Web Designers, something that will allow us more freedom to travel. After that certificate program I will continue on to the Computer Support Technician Program so that I can work as on-call computer support when needed. All of this from the comfort of the place we are in now. 

Although the above mentioned things are important to us there is something else that stands above the rest. Two somethings to be exact.  The number one reason, without a doubt, the most important advantage in staying is that our son has all the support he needs, right here and both our kids will have the advantage from being in such a great community. 

Our son is so connected with the staff at the Child Development Centre and I'd hate to see him have to adjust to new staff and be away from us the majority of the day due to our schooling. 

And our baby girl is still so young. I want her to experience everything the Great North has to offer. 

Up here both kids can learn to hunt, bead, do traditional dancing with the Dance group we have up here, and glean from their heritage everything that is healing and good. Down south they would be further away from all of that. 

Do we feel bad giving up on our dream?

He was our first dream, and his sister was our second, and I couldn't imagine being away from them for more than 3 hours a day. They are our number 1. Any dream that would take that away or push it off into the distance is more like a nightmare. 

So, we're staying and I'm happy. Now the goal will be, to be at least one month down south during the winter to recharge the batteries. -40 with little sunlight can get a bit old after awhile, but the midnight sun on June 21st makes up for it. 

As always thanks for reading!

Love and Gratitude,

Amber Jones

What do I do if my autistic kid gets lost?

This is something we haven't dealt with yet, and pray we never do. I am so paranoid about him wondering off that if I don't have someone with me when I have both kids out and about he goes into our stroller that has a little bench I can strap him too.

I'm pretty sure he would know he is lost but I never want to find out if he knows or not. Ugh. Makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. But as much as I take precaution it doesn't hurt to take precautions for finding him if he does wander off. People have medical tags and I like those but in my house if it's small enough to get lost....well...it does.  Plus getting him to wear it might not be such an easy task.

So, what can you do? While networking on the infamous twitter I found a family that has a great solution for if your child wanders off.  It's called the QR Code ID. This is so cool. They are from the "If i Need Help" Non-for-Profit Organization out of Santa Clara, California. Here's what it is....

So, how this works is you sign up for free on the page. Enter information that is pertinent if your child wonders off, post a picture of your kid and add additional content in the additional content area of things like, medical needs, other relatives that can be called in case of emergencies, etc. etc. etc. Once your finished you can view what the information will look like once your code has been scanned.

QR Codes can be read quickly by any smartphone. QR reader Apps can be downloaded for free from App stores. 

Anyway, if the child gets lost and they have one of these patches on their clothing, the patch is then scanned by the person that found them. The information will appear on their phone or whatever device they are using, and bam parents are contacted, kid is reunited with them, and everyone recovers from their heart attacks. 

So awesome! Mine is in the mail and I can't wait to get it! 

Anyway for more info on this cool product click the link:

https://www.qrcodeid.org/

Go check it out. 

As always thanks for reading. 

With Gratitude and Love,

Amber Jones