Presenting food to the Autistic Kid.....PART 2

It has been a couple days since since my last blog. Things get crazy when you've got a million and one art projects going, plus family is in town, and you are planning for school, and a vacation before school starts. Such is life.

Anyway, the last time I blogged, I blogged about feeding the picky child. Today I'm going to be blogging about the way food looks to my son and what makes him eat it and what makes him say, "No, No want this."

Trying to coax our son to eat on most days is like trying to get the new cat the showed up in your backyard to come to you as you hold your hand full of food out toward them. Does it always work...no. And sometimes all you really do is get them to turn and run. It's isn't easy and there are days when I sit back and wonder how good a parent am I, when my already slim son doesn't want to eat? How can I make it more presentable to eat? What about the food it turning him off? 

Let me start by saying when we first saw the picky eater in our son it was at 2 years old. He would eat anything you put in front of him up until that point. Then when his communication and preferences became apparent it was hit or miss on trying to get him to eat what we made. I'll be honest it is still hit or miss sometimes. And it can be the most frustrating part of the day, especially if they are purposely making a mess with their food to get the point across that they're not going to eat it. 

We've spent many a day recalling how much our boy has eaten just to make sure he has eaten enough. And through all the food boot camp our son has put us through we picked up a couple of DON'Ts along the way. Here is the guideline for food prep in our house that works more often than not. Though, we still are trying to perfect it. We realize that until our boy can specify these things our DON'T list is what we go by. 

The DON"TS....

1. Don't cook the vegetables.

Unless the vegetables need some cooking due to taste and texture, we don't cook them. All vegetable are made into sticks and set out on the table for him to eat. And yes we call them his sticks so that he will be interested in eating them. 

2. Don't mix the food together.

If your going to cook vegetables with rice, cut the vegetables into sticks sticks and present the rice separately. Another example would be spaghetti with vegetables. Again sticks and spaghetti are separate. Same goes for some sauces. Leave them off unless directed otherwise.

3.  Don't present it if you can't even make out what it is.

If it isn't recognizable he won't eat it. Even if he tries it 9 times out of 10 he'll humor us with a couple of bites and he's done.  New fad foods and the way they are made are a huge no-no in this house. 

4. Don't present the same thing for weeks on end.

This is something not every family with a kid on the spectrum, can do. In our house if we present the same thing over and over and over again, after a short while, he won't eat it. Peanut butter sandwiches were all the rage for two days,  the third day hit and it got denied. Tried a couple days latter and was still denied. Repetition in our family, with food, does not exist

5. Don't hit up the fast food chains or hugely processed foods as snacks or meals.

Fast food chains and processed snacks are addictive. They can easily hook a kid on the spectrum. The foods are usually packed with sugar, salt, smell good, and are recognizable. Everything are son loves. Especially when they pre-organize it in the box for him. UGH. Can be hell to break this habit but worth it for the sake of less tantrums, over all health, and getting your kid to eat what you make them later. 

Anyway, I hope this helps. It has helped us. Are these rules set in stone? No. That's why they're called guidelines. Sometimes our little guy surprises us by eating foods that we never think to give him, they then get added to the list of things he will eat. Those moments are great. Just remember to watch your kid's cues. You are the expert on your kid. 

As always thanks for reading.

With Love and tons of Gratitude,

Amber Jones

P.S. Stay tuned for tomorrows post that will complete this blog trilogy on food and autistic kids. 

4 Methods for feeding the Autistic Kid.....PART 1

                                       

UGH!!!!!!! This has to be a battle that every parent, regardless of a kids learning styles, goes through. Getting your kid to eat. With a kid on the spectrum we know first hand that autistic kids can be picky about the way food is cooked, presented and even eaten. A lot of parents try to give advice saying to just let them go hungry and that they'll eat when they're really hungry. Well, that's kinda true, but we have one of those kids that doesn't like being bothered to eat in the first place, so denying him food seems a bit ridiculous. Then there are the parents that tell  us to tell him that if he doesn't eat he loses privileges, well even if I agreed with that logic he'd still fight me. So, we figured out a way to look like were not feeding him while feeding him. It's been tough, but we persevered. And at times when people think we've lost the fight what they don't realize is that we've won in secret way.

We have 4 things we try when our kid decides that food is just not on his list of things that day.

1. The Bird Method

In the morning, I'm never sure if the boy is going to eat or not. It's frustrating. Someday's he likes milk in his cereal. Other days milk if forbidden. Someday's he'll eat oatmeal other days oatmeal is forbidden. It just depends on how he feels that day. Well, we get pretty tired of the cat and mouse game, and absolutely abhor wasting food. So we poor cereal without milk, leave the milk in a cup on the table, leave a bowl of grapes on the table, leave some bread with his meal...on the table, and let him know the food is there on the table. Throughout the morning like clock work our son will eat what's for him on the table. In order for the food to completely disappear I remind him that it is there and to have a bite. He's happy and eats, I'm not ripping my hair out trying to get him to sit for a while meal and eat, missions accomplished.

2. Meal in a Cup Method

I'll be honest we tricked our son for this one....kinda. My husband is vegetarian and loves himself some smoothie. So when Keltanys was younger and had had his first taste of the not so healthy apple juice we convinced our little guy that Smoothies were the same thing. It was a hit. He loves smoothies. Berry smoothies in particular. He'll even take them with carrots, kale, beets, spinach, bananas, apples...pretty much anything that will taste good together he'll take in a smoothie. He gets the nutrients he needs along with vitamin D enriched soy milk, and I don't have to worry about him not getting enough nutrients. He usually gets a cup of smoothie and whatever else he wants with that like a bun, or some homemade chicken nuggets, and homemade french fries.

3. Whatever is Yours is Mine Method (Yes folks encourage the toddler law on this one.)

I don't particularly enjoy this one just because when I'm hungry and have a kid in my face wanting what I've got I get a little primal and shoo them away. But when you have kids, especially ones that won't eat, well you do what you can and suck it up. With this method I fill up one big plate or bowl depending on what your having, and yes you guessed it, share. Sometimes Keltanys will not eat something unless it comes from my plate or his Dad's plate. So for those days when he wants what we have, we grab the big dishes and share. It's not often this happens, but, when it does we don't mind. As long as he eats.

4. The What Works Method

My son, like every child, has foods that are on his, "I can eat these all day everyday day" list. I'll say this right off the bat. We don't use this method often because it sets a bad routine, but for those days when we're on the go it's easy to have the "easy foods on hand. For Keltanys this would include hotdogs, fries, chips, lunchables, popcorn, applesauce, cup of noodles, pretty much processed food. Again we only do this on days where preparing something would take longer than we have, and there aren't that many days where we're that busy.

I hope some of these things work for you. Again every kid is different and you know yours the best so keep trying if my list doesn't work for ya. Tomorrow I will be posting tips on the visual presentation of food for kids with that preference. Mine likes it to look a certain way or it goes to waste.

As always thanks for reading.

Much love and Gratitude,

Amber Jones

Can autistic children exhibit empathy?

There used to be a time in our house when we thought our son had a hard time registering emotions. It wasn't easy. You could cry and he would scream and cry with you. You could be angry and he would be the first to show his anger. For awhile we thought these were signs that he couldn't figure out the emotion. That he didn't know how to react to the overwhelming aspect of facial cues, body language, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I don't think there has ever been a time we were more wrong. He gets the emotion and the facial cues, what we thought was confusion and aggression was actually his understanding and trying to deal with the overwhelming empathy he was feeling. 

For instance, now, if we are crying or mad he will come to us a little upset and tell us, "No crying, it's ok." Or if he hears me raising my voice, He'll ask,"You ok?" as a signal that he wants me to be ok and stop being angry. Usually that will take me down at least ten notches. He's super intuitive when it comes to other peoples emotions. The obstacle he sometimes faces is remaining calm a midst other people's chaos of emotions. He always wants to make sure they are ok, to help in some way. He has a genuine love for others. He loves meeting new people. And when he takes a liking to them, he's got their back and doesn't want to see them angry or cry. 

We've had to teach him that when we cry, hugging or saying "it's ok" is appropriate. That when we're angry, asking if we're ok is appropriate. We've taught him the etiquette of dealing with his emotions and helping others when their down. And what we found is that it's not lack of knowledge and proper reaction. It's just helping him figure out how to process what's going on inside of himself first, then helping the other person feel better, by smiling, by hugging, by singing a song. 

I think we expect a lot out of children. Especially if they have to deal with being super empathetic. We ask them to learn so fast, to grow up, be ready for this world, act normally. Why not let them slow down and really examine their worlds as they develop, so that they don't miss key ingredients of understanding that may help them change the world around them, and make it better than what we have handed them.

Maybe the reason we're in the mess we're in today is because we don't slow down to notice others.

Anyway..... 

Me and my husband asked ourselves, after we got the assessment back, what would happen if our boy ends up being solely dependent on us? (which, now, I don't think will happen) And without question I thought, it's no biggie. However, long he takes in learning the world around him is not going to bother me. He's my son. I'm here to love him, guide his growth, and be a foundation of strength for when he needs it. And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

As always thanks for reading.

Much Love and Gratitude,

Amber 

Deciding not to move our Autistic Child.......

 SO, last year we had decided we were going to move. Going back to school was the goal. And as we started the process of moving we started to question more and more why we were leaving such a great community. Our goal had been to move to B.C. to study Traditional Chinese Medicine and become Dr.s of TCM. As we started to move towards the goal we started to see our children off in the distance and immediately the plans got changed. Our children are the most important things in our lives as well as one another, we wont let anything act as a wedge in between any of us. So, we got organized and asked ourselves. "What do we really want?" And here's what we came up with...

I couldn't have put it better myself. We want freedom. Freedom from debt, freedom to travel, freedom to just pick up and go when we want to. So, we got organized and changed the goal. I'm already an artist and make some during the year. Will works as an IT. Not to shabby at all. And instead of accumulating $70,000 of school debt alone. We we'll only accumulate around $4,500. Much more manageable. We intend on taking the Multimedia Communications Program here at the college to become Web Designers, something that will allow us more freedom to travel. After that certificate program I will continue on to the Computer Support Technician Program so that I can work as on-call computer support when needed. All of this from the comfort of the place we are in now. 

Although the above mentioned things are important to us there is something else that stands above the rest. Two somethings to be exact.  The number one reason, without a doubt, the most important advantage in staying is that our son has all the support he needs, right here and both our kids will have the advantage from being in such a great community. 

Our son is so connected with the staff at the Child Development Centre and I'd hate to see him have to adjust to new staff and be away from us the majority of the day due to our schooling. 

And our baby girl is still so young. I want her to experience everything the Great North has to offer. 

Up here both kids can learn to hunt, bead, do traditional dancing with the Dance group we have up here, and glean from their heritage everything that is healing and good. Down south they would be further away from all of that. 

Do we feel bad giving up on our dream?

He was our first dream, and his sister was our second, and I couldn't imagine being away from them for more than 3 hours a day. They are our number 1. Any dream that would take that away or push it off into the distance is more like a nightmare. 

So, we're staying and I'm happy. Now the goal will be, to be at least one month down south during the winter to recharge the batteries. -40 with little sunlight can get a bit old after awhile, but the midnight sun on June 21st makes up for it. 

As always thanks for reading!

Love and Gratitude,

Amber Jones

What do I do if my autistic kid gets lost?

This is something we haven't dealt with yet, and pray we never do. I am so paranoid about him wondering off that if I don't have someone with me when I have both kids out and about he goes into our stroller that has a little bench I can strap him too.

I'm pretty sure he would know he is lost but I never want to find out if he knows or not. Ugh. Makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. But as much as I take precaution it doesn't hurt to take precautions for finding him if he does wander off. People have medical tags and I like those but in my house if it's small enough to get lost....well...it does.  Plus getting him to wear it might not be such an easy task.

So, what can you do? While networking on the infamous twitter I found a family that has a great solution for if your child wanders off.  It's called the QR Code ID. This is so cool. They are from the "If i Need Help" Non-for-Profit Organization out of Santa Clara, California. Here's what it is....

So, how this works is you sign up for free on the page. Enter information that is pertinent if your child wonders off, post a picture of your kid and add additional content in the additional content area of things like, medical needs, other relatives that can be called in case of emergencies, etc. etc. etc. Once your finished you can view what the information will look like once your code has been scanned.

QR Codes can be read quickly by any smartphone. QR reader Apps can be downloaded for free from App stores. 

Anyway, if the child gets lost and they have one of these patches on their clothing, the patch is then scanned by the person that found them. The information will appear on their phone or whatever device they are using, and bam parents are contacted, kid is reunited with them, and everyone recovers from their heart attacks. 

So awesome! Mine is in the mail and I can't wait to get it! 

Anyway for more info on this cool product click the link:

https://www.qrcodeid.org/

Go check it out. 

As always thanks for reading. 

With Gratitude and Love,

Amber Jones

Mother's 10 lessons for her autistic son......

There are some days when you sit back as a parent and sigh that heavy sigh. That heavy sigh is filled with the need to protect your little bundle of light from all the big grey clouds of this world. 

Many days I sit back and wonder how do I protect him from his first heartbreak, his first realization of what kind of world we're living in, the first "no" he hears from outside sources that tell him he "can't do it." How do I keep him safe and in my pocket so that nothing can taint of hurt my perfect little angel. I go through this lots. Especially with him. 

I remember first hearing a child tell him he was annoying. I remember feeling the heartbreak for him as I watched him smile and try to continue to play with the child. I teared up in the car away from his questioning eyes. I know kids will be kids but that doesn't make it any less difficult, especially when the reason the kid said he was annoying was because of the way he processes his environment. 

But what can you do, other than play as if no one else is in the room with you and your amazingly wonderful thinker. 

My husband is pro at that. Making their play seem like they found a candy hive at Disneyland. I know I can't protect him forever and that one day he might have to explain his reasoning to others who aren't in the know about such things. But for right now I'm his safety net 

I think that in this world, it really is an art to be different, and in the case of my son, he doesn't have to try. Which I admire about him. 

Every mother has things they wish to teach their kids. Here are 10 of mine that I hope I can instill into my little guy before he embraces an ever changing world of faces, structures, and textures. 

1. You weren't born to be like them. Don't think like them. Their ways don't always work or make sense. 

2. Autism is not a disorder or anything really other than a new way of processing a world that needs to slow down. 

3. Take the time to smell the flowers, feel the wind, taste the sweetness of life, observe nature, and listen to the birds. These things will always ground you. 

4. Don't let circumstances outside of yourself be the driving force behind your intention. You can do, and be anything you want to be. Nothing will ever stop you, as long as you believe in yourself. 

5. Don't let other's (including us) "should" on you. You know what is best for you.

6. When things get a bit dark remember these words. "I am in charge of how bright I shine."

7. Your sensory preferences are here for a reason. Not everyone has a built in self-regulating system. You are lucky to have it. Use it to your benefit when the world looks upside down and backwards.

8. It is always ok for you to come to us for anything, anytime of the night or day. You are our son and we love you more than we can possibly express. We are your parents and that is what being a parent means. We took this role with great pleasure and excitement and love and pledge to be that person for you. The person that teaches you, the person, that cares for you, the person, that no matter what you do will love you unconditionally until forever. We have your back and will always be a foundation for you to come back to. 

9. Always be grateful for who you are and what you have. If you can think of three things your grateful for each day you are golden. And yes we are more than grateful for you.

10. The answer to your happiness is not in any book, person, wallet, or possession. The answer to your happiness is yours alone, locked inside of you for you to know. No one can take that from you. And if there is one things I ever suggest to you it is this, If you decide to share your happiness with another always love unconditionally with an open heart and understanding mind and you will give a love that is more powerful than anything you can possibly imagine. And know that that is how we love you.

Well, everyone's asleep except me...again...lol. I gotta make sleep a habit.

As always thanks for reading.

With Love and Gratitude,

Amber Jones

Bringing home siblings to the autistic child......

When we first found out we were pregnant with a second child we were super excited. We knew we had some experience with our first and were ready to bring a second into the world. I think one of the things that excited us most was that Keltanys would have a permanent playmate. We knew he learnt language well after hanging out with his cousins and sharing skills with one another. We couldn't wait to see how he would interact with his sibling. Well, I often am surprised by my little man and when we were about to bring our little girl into the world he shocked me even more.

First, I will be honest and say that I was in latent labor for a week and a half and during that week he stayed with his Grandmother. My son does not like seeing other people in pain and when it becomes to much he gets a little scrappy. 

On November 7, 2013 we brought our daughter home. Two days after that Keltanys came home. I'll be honest, it was hell. I don't think he liked the idea of Mom and Dad spending time away from him. Which I'm not gonna lie felt good to know. 

Anyway, he was not happy with us, but absolutely loved and still loves his sister. We experienced his wrath for leaving him out of the loop on that one, for about two weeks. In those two weeks he mainly just cried and wore his heart on his sleeve and I can't blame him. I think what made it so hard was that I didn't know how to fix it at first but as time went on he adjusted. If I were to do it again it would probably be different as Keltanys is growing, is super smart, and can definitely put 2 and 2 together. 

Now, at first when we brought our girly home he didn't mind her. He loved her but didn't pay to to much attention to her. And as the days went by displayed all the typical signs of having a sibling. If it was good for his sister he had to have it too. Not everything obviously as he is a pretty big kid. But cuddle time left me absolutely no room to move. Which I thought was more than fantastic considering cuddling was a no-no before his sister came home. Cuddling now is better but only on his terms which I don't mind. I think what helped a lot is that we prepared him by getting him a baby doll and showing him how we love the baby and take care of baby. So he had some prep. 

Another thing we observe is his need to take care of her. Always making sure she has everything she can play with, is something he religiously does to this day. If she manages to cover her face with her blanket he's on it pulling it away from her face and reminding her, "Don't do that." It is beyond precious. And there's one thing I love that she does for him. Breaking the boundaries. 

After perfectly lining up some stuffed animals which he was tucking in with a blanket, she destroyed the line like a hurricane, crawling over the toys, picking them up, tossing them aside, it was pretty awesome to watch the interaction. And what shocked me was that  Keltanys joined her in her folly. He started his tumbling and she laughed so hard, it made me cry. He was joining in and loving making her laugh. Something some specialists will warn you  you may never see. 

And I saw it. Eltiyena is so great for him. He has leaned the art of sharing, of being gentle, of realization outside himself. It is a beautiful thing to see him unfold before our eyes. And I must say having two kids who learn very differently is awesome. I wouldn't have it any other way. Both of them are so unique and I love it. 

As always thanks for reading!

Amber Jones